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©2009 *Friedemann
:iconfriedemann:

Author's Comments

For ~fiftywordfiction's prompt.

I :heart: rain.

Critiques


:iconrlkirkland:
This piece brings a sense of comfortable familiarity, difficult to accomplish within the “50 word” constraints laid upon it.
This piece is satisfying, despite it’s brevity, because of the deft way in which loving relationship is exposed through the idea of proximity without demands, the sense of ease with their environment, and awareness of the “other” in their relationship the pet.

I find very little that detracts from this work, I have two small impressions that may be noteworthy.
First, I feel the mood would be better drawn if there was an adjective such as “flickered” or “glimmered” associated with the candle.
Secondly, the “And” in front of we’re doesn’t seem necessary as it neither adds meaning or moves the subject along.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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Comments


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:iconthecoalminecanary:
i love the feeling of solitude put out by this piece. very powerful -- a short piece, but it packs a punch.

rain is incredible.
:thumbsup:

--
:music: blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly...
my gallery :gallery: :dalove:
:iconfriedemann:
Thank you.
It doesn't rain too often here in LA. I miss it.
:)

--
#interns | #LITplease | *Letters-Words-Write
:iconthecoalminecanary:
you're welcome. :boogie:
that's a shame. i would miss it, too.

--
:music: blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly...
my gallery :gallery: :dalove:

Details

September 25
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